I’m writing to warn all of you about a dangerous and relentless trickster. His name is Nate Cookingham. You’ll recognise him by his nametag which says “Nate Cookingham”, unless, of course, if he is wearing his disguise. His most common disguise is an old man with tinted shades and his beard dyed a freakish shade of red. He frequents comedy clubs and any place with an open mic night.
If you see Nate Cookingham, notify his cousins Carl and Tim Nickel asap. They’re the only ones who know how to deal with him. Their friend Bart Frankfurter might come along. Don’t mind him. He’s learning, but he still doesn’t really know what he’s doing. Carl and Tim like to bring him along kind of as an apprentice.
Don’t count on help from the four flying carpet riders of the pop eclipse. They usually arrive late and don’t know what to do even when they get there.
What I am about to tell you now is my most important warning in this message. There are no exceptions to this rule. The rule is: Never, ever, accept a brown paper bag as a gift from a little old lady. Especially if the bag squalks and/or if Nate Cookingham is in town. If Nate Cookingham is in town AND the bag squalks, run away, run for your sanity is at stake.